shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
