he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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