I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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