you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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