last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
