I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
