I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Welp...herpes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
