i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
