If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
