i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
