Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
