Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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