I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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