They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
