My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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