hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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