I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
