I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
