When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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