Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
