gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She made me pour olive oil on her.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
