There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
