??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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