i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
