The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
