Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
