I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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