the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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