I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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