I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
