If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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