Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
