i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
