Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
