I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
