Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
