So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
