oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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