My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
