Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
