You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
