census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
