I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
