God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
