sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
