Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
