I can tuck mytits in my pants
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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