Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
