she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
