He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
