I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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