he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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