so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
