Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
