HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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