I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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