I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
