I wish my penis had an off switch
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
