Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
